Would you believe that Wall Street's ruling class has a fraternity of its own? One that enjoys eating lavish meals at the St. Regis and regaling its members with "raucous" skits that only reinforce how hopelessly out of touch they are? Pick your jaw off the floor, brother: the Times is on it.

Dealbook reporter Kevin Roose was able to amble into the annual black-tie meeting of Kappa Beta Phi, a fraternity founded in 1929 to mock Phi Beta Kappa that counts "big-name bankers, hedge fund billionaires and private equity titans" as current and former members. Though it was announced that "what happens at the St. Regis stays at the St. Regis," Roose was able to "walk in unquestioned and observe the proceedings," presumably because he was disguised as a platinum, monogrammed money clip.

In attendance were the chairman of AIG, the former chairman of Bear Stearns, the senior managing director of the Blackstone Group and Wilbur Ross Jr., a billionaire investor who served as the frat's "Grand Swipe." The aim of the evening was to induct new officers and "haze incoming members by having them don wigs, gold-sequined skirts and skin-tight tops and put on a comedic variety show for the enjoyment of other members." You know, the usual non-homoerotic stuff fraternities do.

The variety show included hilarious skits invoking Occupy Wall Street:

William Mulrow , a senior managing director at the Blackstone Group, put on raggedy clothes to play the part of an Occupy protester. Emil W. Henry Jr., a managing partner at Tiger Infrastructure Partners and a fellow new Kappa, joined him dressed as a wealthy baron.

“Bill, look at you! You’re pathetic, you liberal! You need a bath!” Mr. Henry said, voice full of mock indignation.

“You callow, insensitive Republican!” Mr. Mulrow said. “Don’t you know we need to create jobs?”

And fabulous musical routines:

Inductees sang Wall Street-themed versions of “Mama, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys,” (replacing “cowboys” with “traders”) and Abba’s “Dancing Queen” (which was retitled “Bailout King”). Mr. Lasry, [Ed: Marc Lasry, the billionaire founder of the Avenue Capital Group] along with two other inductees, dressed as a member of the Village People for a financial rendition of “Y.M.C.A.” Mr. Lasry declined to comment.

And when things got really rowdy, "some audience members threw objects at performers on stage, including petit fours and napkins dipped in wine." Wait, people eat petit fours?

Did we miss the part where Jon Corzine shotguns a Natty Ice and farts the tune of "Friday?" Where are the ice luges? The searingly offensive gags? Did anyone even have fun being Masters of the Masters Of The Universe on Thursday night?

As for the menu: "rack of lamb and crème brûlée?" Why not just have the waiters at Smith and Wollensky sing everyone Happy Birthday?

All of this just sounds really sad. Kappa Beta Phi should be shut down by the Inter Wall Street Fraternity Council and renamed La Brea Tar Pits.