Now that hirsute hipsters reign supreme over old-timey speakeasies, is the DOH cracking down on unsanitary facial hair? Today is April Fool's day, so unfortunately this amusing "report" on CHOW about a Cobble Hill facial hair crackdown is the stuff of fantasy. But isn't high time the Department of Health required all beards, mustaches and aggressive sideburns to be covered with a "mustache net"—and start raiding some of these hair raising establishments? When seen floating in a $12 cocktail, mustache hairs look all too similar to some other types of hair.
Not ones to back down from their principles, one restaurant representative said of the "crackdown": "I’d be happy to have my staff wear mustache nets—if I could find a sustainable source. And so far, I have not found a mustache net farm whose mustache netting practices I believe in." Did you know most mustache nets are kept in cages from birth and slaughtered when they are young enough to retain maximum elasticity?
Speaking of slaughtering! CHOW also released this trend piece on a new cafe/community slaughterhouse in Williamsburg—the natural conclusion to the butchering trend. "The Jungle" (har) is a quiet neighborhood center where "you can kill your own animals in between sips of Stumptown coffee." The Hipster Nation is such a target rich environment! What's next, a "report" on DIY tattooing with fair trade, organic, locally sourced ink?
