Teenagers: They'll use any tools at their disposal to ruin everything. And with all this snow lying around, they're armed with a seemingly inexhaustible weapons cache. If the teenagers were a nation, they'd be North Korea, and the weather is their Pakistan. Isolated and chafing under sanctions imposed by the grown-up countries of the world, they lash out unpredictably, and hold the entire planet hostage with their mercurial, menacing behavior. If it was up to us, we'd bomb them back to the stone age, but with Washington lacking the political will to take action, the international community is at their mercy. Mailman Russell Bumpurs is their latest victim.
Bumpurs says he was just trying to do his job—delivering the damn mail without slipping on the ice and breaking his friggin neck—when a group of unruly youths began pelting him with snowballs on Wednesday afternoon in Flatlands. Instead of retreating, Bumpurs courageously implored the teens to desist. For that, they "pummeled him senseless," police sources tell the Post. Witnesses called 911, and cops arrived on the scene in time to arrest the miscreants. (And yes, we've seen this movie before.)
Walter Ward, 16, was charged with criminal possession of a weapon—snowballs—and assault. Two other unidentified juveniles were also charged with criminal possession of snowballs, along with assault, menacing and harassment. ("Maybe these punks will be getting their mail in jail," one cop told the Post, presumably with his feet kicked up on his desk while chewing on a cigar.) As for Bumpurs, he sustained injuries to his head and face, but was back at work yesterday. Yet with so much winter left to go, he probably hasn't been beamed with his last snowball... And then come summer, the enemy will have spraying fire hydrants to work with!
