WOOSH did you feel that breeze through your hair just now, did you hear that sharp hiss approaching, clock that quick clip of something airborne skimming past your ear? That was no flying cockroach, my guy, that was Governor and Noted Chill Dude Andrew Cuomo ripping down the brand new zipline unveiled Tuesday at Jones Beach.
The zipline is part of the beach's $100 million makeover, and according to the governor, it slaps.
"I'm going to be the first person down that zipline," Cuomo said, his eyes gleaming as if he just sprinted through the beach's Wild Play Adventure Course, children bouncing off his pistoning elbows.
"You wonder what perks does the governor of New York get? Not many, I can tell you. A lot of aggravation, a lot of criticism. But he does get to be the first person on the new zipline," he added, as if he wasn't about to spend a solid minute breathing hard, hands on his knees, after bounding up the stairs to the zipline platform.
The governor of New York then strapped into the harness (safety first) and proceeded to absolutely shred. Here, see for yourself! But if you really want to feel like you were there, you're going to need to start playing the second video—for Loverboy's "Turn Me Loose"—at the 1:30 mark.
Check out that X-TREME and measured descent, he's flying! Catching major air there, bruh! SICK, dude. Crushed it.
Also on Tuesday, New York State Parks Commissioner Erik Kulleseid announced that Jones Beach ("I grew up in Queens but we came to Jones Beach. That was the place that you went,” Cuomo explained) would receive an additional cash injection of $25 million by 2020, money that will go toward an energy and nature center. And that sounds pretty dope, too, but nowhere near as cool as the Wild Play Adventure Course, which also includes log ladders, cargo nets, rope swings, tightropes, swinging logs, wobbly bridges, and two 40-foot "Wha's To Fear"—abbreviated as WTF, of course—freefall attractions that invite patrons to leap from a towering platform. Our intrepid governor, it should be noted, does not appear to have tried that one.