A New Jersey postal worker was ambushed and trapped by a flock of menacing wild turkeys yesterday. He and the mail survived unscathed (at least physically) but the turkeys managed to flee the scene. They still lurk somewhere, lying in wait to squawk at their next victim incessantly until he or she is reduced to a pile of acorn-flavored Jello. Turkeys like acorns, I looked it up!
The turkey incident occurred at around 12:10 p.m. yesterday, according to local news reports. The postman, who was in his truck at the time, was accosted by the flock on on Esplanade Drive in Hillsdale—they surrounded his vehicle and honked at him until he called the cops, who scared the birds off with their sirens. You can see an artist's rendering of the attack below:
Turkeys have been plotting their Thanksgiving dinner revenge for generations, starting first with the tennis nets in the Hamptons. Now, they are coming for the Valentine's Day card you mailed your grandmother on Thursday that still hasn't been delivered, so you know they mean Business.
The postal worker did not want to be identified, likely as protection against the throngs of turkeys still thirsting for the scent of that stuff that makes envelopes sticky.
