Yesterday, an absent-minded car thief spotted an idling SUV in Queens, jumped in, and sped off gleefully...until he realized there was a nine-year-old in the backseat. Thankfully, the tyke kept his cool, and the thief wasn't interested in any attempted kidnapping charges. So after a five mile joyride, the would-be thief politely dropped the car and kid off unharmed. Maybe the kid was a "Strategically Altered Mutant"?
The boy's dad, MTA worker Robert Collins, had popped into a bodega at 109th Avenue and the Van Wyck Expressway service road in Jamaica, leaving his son in the car when the thief approached. Collins realized his cell phone was in the car and quickly dialed the number; the thief had the boy pick it up, saying, "Tell him everything is OK and I'm going to drop you and the car off." The adults were more shaken by the experience than the kid: "He was very calm," a police source told the Post, although his parents were spotted crying hysterically.
This seems as good a time as any to give any prospective thieves some advice. First, always scope out/check the vehicle/house/store you're considering robbing. It's all about due diligence, due diligence, due diligence! Second, don't return to the scene of your crime the next day to ask for a job. At least wait a week or two. Lastly, and this is most important: don't leave behind any incriminating evidence, especially a t-shirt with your face on it and the phrase "Making money is my thing."
