2012 Presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann has a dirty secret that has nothing to do with her terrible Yiddish. Sources close to the Congresswoman say that she's often rendered "incapacitated" by migraines, even to the point of hospitalization, and she has to take a cocktail of meds to manage them. What's causing the migraines? Sources close to the campaign say, "Bachmann has implausibly blamed the headaches on uncomfortable high-heel shoes."
Migraines don't necessarily make a president ineffective: JFK had migraines (and claimed he got them, "If I don't have a woman for three days"). What's interesting is that advisers close to Bachmann fed the information to the Daily Caller "because they are terrified about the impact the condition could have on Bachmann's performance if she actually became president." Forget the fact that she hasn't passed a single bill and is a walking contradiction machine: her headaches make for bad policy!
Naturally a spokesman for her campaign told reporters that the information was "incorrect." But all we could focus on were the oodles of "pills" she takes: "she carries and takes all sorts of pills. Prevention pills. Pills during the migraine. Pills after the migraine, to keep them under control." Maybe she should tweak this excellent Destiny's Child song for her campaign? Last summer Bachmann was hospitalized in DC for migraines, and collapsed at a fundraiser in Greenwich, Connecticut. Her son, a doctor, tells the Times that his mother has found a "correlation" between high heels and the headaches, but not a "causation." She received "non-narcotic injections" when in the hospital and her medicines are to reduce pressure in her head and combat nausea.
Cheer up, Michele. The only headache that matters is the one you gave Mitt Romney thanks to the most recent polling.
