Subway is really sorry, you guys. After last week's SHOCKING revelation that some of the omnipresent sandwich shop's "footlong" sandwiches are not quite one-foot-long, the chain has been sued in both New Jersey and Illinois for a "pattern of fraudulent, deceptive and otherwise improper advertising, sales and marketing practices." And since apparently the chain's dumb apology didn't appease the people, it is now breaking out the rulers and promising to do better.
Responding to the groans of anger from the nation's not-full-enough stomachs (even Stephen Colbert got upset!), the embattled chain put out the following statement:
For 47 years, customer satisfaction has been our top priority. We regret any instance where we did not fully deliver on our promise to our customers. We freshly bake our bread throughout the day in our more than 38,000 restaurants in 100 countries worldwide, and we have redoubled our efforts to ensure consistency and correct length in every sandwich we serve. Our commitment remains steadfast to ensure that every SUBWAY® Footlong sandwich is 12 inches at each location worldwide.
So rest easy and carry a ruler, American chain-goers. If your footlong ain't a foot fucking long you march back up to the store's barely paid Sandwich Aritsts and demand they make you another one that is up to snuff. Just don't ask for ketchup or things might get ugly.
