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Did your commute this morning make you want to rip your skin off?

Things are reaching a boiling point for locals in the Hamptons.

Milford Jerome, who performs "So Right", nails everything we love about the madly inconsistent, Twitter-friendly star: "To score you need to shoot/to score more you need to shoot more."

Now we're left twiddling our thumbs and wondering WHEN the L train will not be fucked, and we can all resume transporting our pet rats back and forth between Manhattan and Brooklyn.

If Brand—a former heroin addict, sex addict, and recovering alcoholic—and Perry—a devout Christian who became famous due to a bi-curious hit single—can't make it, is there any hope for true love?