As you are no doubt aware, tomorrow's forecast calls for snow. The snow, which will be mixed with rain, is expected to start in the morning and continue through the afternoon. Our merciless meteorologists, who are simply doing their jobs and should not be targeted by angry mobs, predict that the snow will not accumulate—except of course inside our downtrodden, weather-beaten souls, where Winter is firmly ensconced in a comfortable wing chair, feet up on an ottoman, flipping through our copy of Racing Form, and showing no sign of complying with our pitiful "hints" that we would really prefer to be with Spring from now on.
Although lawyers for the city appeared in court earlier this week to plead for a restraining order against Winter, Judge Nicholas Winterbottom rejected the motion, issuing a one sentence ruling, "Grow a pair." Reached for comment about tomorrow's storm, meteorologist Tim Morrin told the Daily News, "It has all the earmarks of a Nor'easter." At this hour, countless New Yorkers are joined in prayer, begging for an asteroid to strike Earth and knock the planet's orbit closer to the sun.
But let us not abandon all hope! History suggests that each and every Winter eventually wanders off and leaves us alone for a little while. By August, when we're fighting for the last inch of shade at some overcrowded outdoor concert, we'll be begging Winter to come back and ravage us one more time.
Oh, who are we kidding, this is a nightmare! Bring on the human sacrifices!
