On his second day back after the winter break, Jon Stewart devoted most of last night's Daily Show to wading through the debate (or lack thereof) surrounding gun control in the wake of the Newtown school shootings—and not even a cold could get in the way of his hunt for the right scapegoat. Stewart thankfully realized that all of America's violence, mental health and gun troubles really boil down to one thing: the fact that he can't stop masturbating.
In the second segment, Stewart did a great job of burning through the excuses for not making any changes to our gun laws as they stand. After going through suggestions on regulating hammers and transforming Mr. Belding into a badass, Stewart came up with a compromise for those who truly abide by the second amendment: "When that Constitution was written, people had muskets. So okay, you can have all the muskets you want." The rise of Imaginary Hitler must be stopped—and if it also leads to Woody Allen starring in the next Jason Bourne movie, then all the better.
