The most popular story in the NY Post's Metro section this morning is the sad tale of a man who accidentally threw out his wife's dry-cleaning, and is attempting to retrieve it to save Valentine's Day. He refers to himself as a "dead husband walking," though it is unclear whether his wife has made a credible threat against his life for tossing two dresses, a scarf, a skirt, and a pair of pants. His story is indeed a sad one, educating readers on the dangers of childbearing, marriage, and dry-clean only clothing.
Posted on Reddit and originally reported by DNAinfo, the tale is as follows: Mike Farrah—father, husband, Chelsea resident—put his wife's dry-cleaning near a pile of recycling on Monday. His 9-year-old son Finn, who is far more eco-conscious than I ever was as a child, mistook the dry-cleaning for recycling, and threw the whole thing out. Nice moves, Finn.
Farrah has since posted signs all over the neighborhood begging for some kind soul to return the clothes. “My wife handled it really well," he told DNAinfo. "But there were some really beautiful clothes in there.”
Some points. First, clothes are very important, but dry-clean only clothes are a nuisance—instead of dry-cleaning, I hang my fancy clothes in the bathroom when I shower and pretend that it cleans them. The second point is that if you ever want anything done right, you should do it yourself, because inevitably the other person will do it wrong and you will be angry. This is especially true in committed relationships, where even when the other person does something right, they have done it wrong.
The third point here is that children are all evil, and even when it appears they are acting out of benevolence, they're really just waiting until they can crawl out of your television and scare you until your face falls off. As my editor John Del Signore said upon reading this story, "That entitled kid who thinks everything is disposable is the real enemy," and ain't that the truth.
Anyway, it's very strange that this is a trending news story and probably sad for the state of *N*E*W*S* as it is, but the world is garbage so we might as well laugh at love.
