There have been a number of stories about cyclists colliding with pedestrians in Prospect Park during the past year—could it be the pedestrians are now fighting back? No, it's just the teenagers, doing what they do best: ruin everything. On Tuesday evening around 5:15 p.m. a man was biking through the Prospect Park loop when a group of youths knocked him off his bike near the zoo, sending him crashing face-first into the pavement. The NYPD tells us the unidentified victim was sent flying after the youths kicked his rear wheel, "causing him to fall off of his bike hitting his head on the ground and breaking his nose."

One witness tells us, "I was about 50 yards behind the guy and was focused on the group of kids because they were spread out all over the road walking against traffic, which was a somewhat belligerent way to move through the park. I saw the guy go down but then focused on getting through the kids without them attacking me (nobody tried anything). There was another cyclist there ahead of me, and a girl got there a second after me and called 911." Here's video of the moments following the assault:

"He was bleeding from his nose a lot," the witness, who asked to remain anonymous, tells us. "But it seems he face-planted because nothing else was too banged up—a little scratch on his arm. He was pretty fucked up though: concussion, didn't know what day it was, thought he might have been riding with his wife (which didn't make sense) but he remembered his address and wife's phone number."

Reached by phone, the victim's wife tells us her husband—a 33-year-old adjunct professor and writer who lives in Windsor Terrace—was hospitalized for two days after the incident, and has no recollection of what happened. "We're still piecing everything together," she tells us. "He has a bad concussion, a broken nose and a lot bruising. The only thing we know from the police was that the kids kicked his bike wheel and knocked him off, then they ran into the woods."

The NYPD tells us no arrests were made. Our source adds, "I'd also like to take pains to point out that while all the kids in the group were black, many of the people who helped care for the victim and look for the kids were black, too." Indeed, it's a distressing fact of life in America that teenagers of all races are, almost without exception, obnoxious jerks. Until the government sends in drones to settle the War on Youth once and for all, you'd do well to steer clear.