Many of us share in the blood-boiling, white-knuckle rage that is summoned when the cacophony of the city rouses us from our precious six hours of sleep, but few of us are able to do anything about it beyond screaming obscenities out the window or drowning it out with uncontrollable sobbing. EV Grieve shares the account of one dad on East 5th street who awoke to a raucous party bus at 4 a.m. whose first reflex wasn't to dial 311, but to "[get] a bat...but didn't want to wake the kids by opening their baseball gear. It was their sleep that I was trying to preserve after all." No bat? That's why the Good Lord invented shoes.
When I went outside I wasn’t thinking that I’d be trying to kick their door in. Maybe I tried to push the door open to scream at them to move on? I don’t quite remember...except that the door was shut hard and that I was giving it my all now, repeatedly...wham! wham! wham!
At one point I exchanged some words with someone baiting me at one of the two open windows, he telling me how he was going to fuck me up and holding a kitchen scissors as if it was a knife, and me saying to come on out bitch as I leapt up and tried to grab his face off.
And, the bus was up and running and as I was thinking down the street isn’t going to work for me, a half drunk can of beer came whizzing by my head. I followed the bus on foot, opened a recycle bin or two and pulled out some bottles, 32oz-ers I think, three of them, and I was running now. The bus thought about parking for a sec, and then decided to hightail it as they saw me running up behind them, except that the light was against them. They paused before running it as I hurled bottle #1 at their rear and as they floored it up the Bowery I hit them once again with #2.
Of course, instances like these never happen, according to the Big Party Bus Lobby. "Buses don't stay stationary on blocks, there's a city law that prohibits them from standing in one place for more than fifteen minutes," says Kimberly over at The Party Ride. "Our buses only travel through non-residential neighborhoods: Times Square, the West Side Highway, down by the South Street Pier." Stephanie at The Original New York Party Bus (check out that whisper quiet stripper pole!) told us that they've never had a single noise complaint, "not one."
As anyone walking down the street in the East Village or Lower East Side on a Saturday night can attest, these buses most certainly drive through residential neighborhoods. We've even seen one pull over for two ladies to vomit! But 4-wheeled bachelor parties beware: you may have to dodge a bottle from the next Noise Pollution "Folk Hero."
