We receive a lot of e-mail. Most of these missives are carefully read, discussed at length among the editors, and courteously replied to in a timely fashion—except for the ones that are so bizarre and irrelevant that we're simply afraid to engage the sender. Instead, we'll share them with you. Behold, the eccentric underbelly of the Gothamist inbox:

Some of you might have heard about this former Congressman Anthony Wiener and how he sent pictures of his naughtyparts to women who weren't his wife. It was a really, really long time ago, but apparently one reader has had enough of this story:

Sorry, but you have spent entirely too much time and energy with this all too easy low hanging fruit story.Apparently, you have not ability to function as an adult investigative reporter.Get a life and hopefully your editor will replace you so you can look for a job.

Every morning when we wake up, after our two-Pepto-bottle breakfast we look at ourselves in the mirror and wonder the same thing: are we as good of "adult" investigative reporters as we were when we broke that story on Mrs. Henderson's secret smoke breaks in 5th grade? We've been wanting that "life" that we saw at Kohl's the other weekend, and it's on layaway so we'll have it soon. In the meantime, were you aware that Osama Bin Laden has been killed?

Sometimes a message is so forceful, you can say it all in the subject line of an email. This one is:

Hi my name is [REDACTED] a young gurl trying to become a model looking for help so ur email on da site hope to hear from you email back pleases thanks

It's been awhile since we modeled for that guy who was totally going to get us the part on Melrose Place if we just spent the night. As far as we know he's still trying, but modeling is tough work. Bleaching your smile with Clorox and a pipecleaner is a good start (just crack a window for the fumes), and you should also go back and watch a few episodes of Step By Step, mostly to observe how stately Patrick Duffy's hair is. Just be the hair, be the unwavering face of success. And get some 8x10 glossies. Which reminds us: can you take our 8x10 glossy to your agent when you get one?

This next email proves that you can't please everybody, even when you're trying to hold down a blogging job and another imaginary small business:

I was just in your store and bought gelatto cone and wanted to sit outside. Two bicycles were resting on the bench in the shade. I asked the clerk to have customer move the bikes so I could sit in the shade. The owners of the bikes said they wanted to sit there and never came out but stayed in the store. I think this is bad business. I live in the neighborhood and expect people to come before bikes. I will not recommend nor go back if you do not provide me with some reasonable explanation for this. Who needs rude customers who consider their bike and often their dog before other customers/people.

OK, we're not sure how to explain this. Those "bikes" you saw, were actually Prince William and his new wife Kate Middleton. They're on their Honeymoon and needed to go incognito and they often transmogrify themselves into inanimate objects to do "normal" things, amongst the people. We're sorry for any inconvenience the royal family caused you.

And finally, oh no:

Where is Chris Robbins' bio with the other staff??

Put down the keyboard, Mom. Please? It's your son. We don't want anyone to get hurt. If it makes you feel any better, we're changing the name of the blog to The Chrisington Post next week.