To satisfy overwhelming demand, the United States Postal Service is developing a clothing line. Named "Rain Heat & Snow," presumably for the post-apocalyptic conditions necessary for people to actually purchase apparel inspired by a vast, underfunded arm of the government, a press release promises that the clothes will be technology-laden "smart apparel." “This agreement will put the Postal Service on the cutting edge of functional fashion,” USPS licensing manager Steven Mills said in a release. The USPS: cutting edge for fashion; dull, rusty, butter-knifed edge for pretty much everything else.
A representative from the Postal Service hasn't gotten back to us, but they explained to Yahoo what "smart apparel" means: "If you like your iPod, you can plug it right into your jacket, regulate the volume and make your selections right on your sleeve." You're gonna need to realllllly crank up the bass to drown out the mirthful shrieks while you're walking down the street.
The USPS scoured the globe for a fashion developer that shared its vision. Would it be a boutique producer in Lille? A scrappy start-up in San Francisco? Lo, out of the Fashion Capital of these United States (Cleveland, Ohio), comes The Wahconah Group, charged with turning this desperate, Project Runway-inspired dream into a reality. "The company is establishing a showroom in the garment district of New York City to showcase their apparel lines to the fashion industry," the release adds.
We're huge fans of the Postal Service (9 out 10 Discerning Grandmothers Choose USPS), and we don't need to be reminded at the end of their press releases that the flagging industry "receives no tax dollars for operating expenses, and relies on the sale of postage, products and services to fund its operations." So if this is a frenzied cry for help, we hear you loud and clear: put us down for six Zune Snow Hats.
