Yesterday, we looked at a spreadsheet commissioned by Giants' head coach Tom Coughlin designed to help talk to Millennials. But we posit that there's an even easier way of identifying Millennials: anyone who thinks leaving an electronic paper trail for their drug deals is a reasonable proposition.
Capital NY reports that Columbia University students are freaking out after a student was arrested for allegedly dealing drugs. The issue is that this student, sophomore Michael Getzler, allegedly accepted payment for the deals via electronic pay site Venmo (aka Lucas' site).
An anonymous student told Capital that his only rule was that students had to write a brief funny description of the transaction. As you can see from his public Venmo page, those descriptions included, "Kale salad," "Snoop Dogg's shizzle," "Halal or something funny," "Columbia in 1980s," "The Thursday Turnup," "Spring cleaning," and "Gotta stock up for winter."
Getzler was arrested on Thursday on five drug-related charges, including criminal possession of a controlled substance and criminal use of drug paraphernalia. He is widely rumored to be the person behind an anonymous op-ed in the Columbia Daily Spectator on Wednesday all about dealing drugs on campus (and his eventual plan to retire).
Weed, edibles, MDMA, coke—I have sold all of these over the past week, in staggering amounts. Several hundred students (and I would call that a conservative estimate) will be smoking my weed this Saturday. There will be more than 100 students rolling on MDMA, thanks to me alone.
Capital adds that comments on both the op-ed and on private message board identified Getzler as the writer. Certainly the timing of the article and Getzler's arrest is very notable, and something the writer of the piece seemed to see coming as well.
Fraternity brothers, artists, athletes, timid first-years (easily discernable by the almost deferential manner in which they speak to me), jaded seniors, GS students, CCSC members, resident advisors, Spectator writers, a couple of my own TAs, and probably someone from every sizable demographic on campus—they have all come to me in the last few days for their various fixes. And I love every second of it. I find something so fulfilling and exciting in being the person that people rely on for fun. There was a period when I was aware that I was losing money—not even to mention the time I was spending—doing this. But it results in a rush that’s honestly somewhat addicting, funnily enough.
And yet, despite how exhilarating a ride it has been, I’m calling it quits. Operation Ivy League still looms large over this campus, and if any law enforcement group were to turn its focus back on our campus, I would be a top target. I know that I would not be able to enjoy myself at Bacchanal thinking about all the grams and pounds of various substances just sitting in my room, waiting to be seized. The stress is no longer worth it. I feel as if every policeman or Public Safety officer I walk by is sizing me up, and my network is scarily large at this point. Of course the vacuum will be filled—market forces at work and all that. People are resourceful here and I can testify that they will put in the time to find the drugs of their choice. To put it simply, things are not going to change in the long run.
If nothing else comes out of this, maybe this can at least inspire some students to watch The Wire and learn drug dealing 101 and the proper etiquette of hand-to-hand buying.
