Regardless of whether you believe prom is the apex of the best years of your life, or the epitome of the cruelty of youth, there is a reason that prom is guaranteed in the Constitution: so you can grind hips against your crush while R. Kelly plays at an uncomfortable volume. This is the right of every youngblood in America, but one Staten Island high school has done the unthinkable, and cancelled prom for a fourth of the graduating class. Did the kids of Moore Catholic High School forget to pay their library fees? Flunk out? Worse: they drew penises around their athletic field!
According to SI Live, late on the evening of May 5, a group of around 50 seniors (why oh why is it always the seniors?) met in a "clandestine" gathering on the field, which shockingly "turned rowdy, with beer drinking" and overturned benches, and "cartoonish depictions of male genitalia" scrawled on their temporary modules and sidewalks. After the school authorities cruised Facebook for evidence, they found the culprits and banned them from the prom. Nevermind the kids, "it's a parents nightmare; everything is paid for," said one parent who apparently has never seen Carrie and paid $1,000 for her daughter's "dress, shoes, bag and limo reservation."
"Let them go volunteer, something, do something positive. This is a Catholic school. The punishment should fit the crime!" We suppose that Catholic doctrine is tough on those who draw penises and lenient on those who touch them, but more galling is the fact that the school is resisting to refund the students prom ticket price: $350. For $350, R. Kelly had better take a photo with every couple before a personalized rendition of "Bump N' Grind." There's still hope of an "alternate prom" being scheduled with a "June 1 prom in New Jersey," but that somehow sounds worse than no prom at all.
