Breaking up with someone on Valentine's Day is a pretty cold-blooded idea, unless of course the no good p.o.s. has it coming. But you know what's even worse than getting dumped on V-Day? Being a publicist who has to flog a Valentine's Day "angle" for every trash-bound press release sent between now and mid-February. These things are currently flooding in at a rate of 25 per hour, like a fire hydrant spraying sickly pink champagne all over our cringing faces. But occasionally one pitch stands out from the herd, such as this beaut—pasted below verbatim—with the subject "Where to Dump Someone on Valentine's Day":
Just wanted to check in with you on Valentine's Day roundups, as I sent you information on Brooklyn Winery's non-traditional Valentine's Day last week, which included communal dining, a photo booth and a fun craft table. [Editor's note: To be fair, the Brooklyn Winery thing actually sounds like a good option.] I also wanted to tell you about a another [sic] unique angle for this occasion...best spots to dump your date on Valentine's day.
Valentine’s Day isn’t just for lovers. What about those who are ready to call it quits on this special day? Park Avenue Tavern, an upscale American Gastropub, is an ideal spot to dump your date. Forget the flowers and make a reservation at Park Avenue Tavern where delivering the news of "it's not you, it's me" is that much easier when surrounded by smart and savvy young professionals, self-serve taps and delicious cuisine.
Whether you called it quits or are on the receiving end known as the dumpee, stay and mingle at Park Avenue Tavern where you just might meet someone new or pour your own pints in the Barrel Room where the overly chatty bartenders and cheesy pick-up lines are scarce. Don’t feel like meeting a new date or soothing your sorrows with a drink? Hop on a train at Grand Central Station, just three blocks away. Other great spots to break-up in New York City include Libations and Ainsworth. Is this something you would be interested in covering?
Apparently, the answer to that question is yes!? But, publicists, please please don't let this encourage you. A press release has to be really bad to merit this level of "coverage" here. To be honest, we're holding out for Pfizer's press flack to snap and send us a V-Day pitch with the subject line: "Want To See Your Significant Other A Lot More? Use Our Birth Control."
