Cell phone addiction takes many forms, some potentially deadly, others abjectly irritating, all pernicious. In the sphere of casually rude behaviors, cell phones on the table at restaurants has become the modus operandi for not only the oft-blamed millennial generation and their attachment to social media, but also heretofore cell phone-free generations who can't resist the temptation to look up a fragment of trivia during a dinner discussion. We're all guilty of the supper cell phone creep; even you, Mom and Dad.
As someone whose career revolves around meals and, often, documenting said meals, I'm certainly not guilt-free in this arena, but I'd like to be. I could sit here and blame my job for demanding photo documentation of delicious nachos, but that doesn't track when I'm absentmindedly pulling up Twitter during a lull in the conversation, or simply clicking a button to see if someone else—someone other than my dining partner(s)—is vying for my attention. These moments fall firmly outside the job description.
So here I am, pleading to each and everyone one of you (myself included): put your phones away when you're eating at a restaurant. It's rude to the other people at the table, it's rude to the restaurant; not to mention, it's fucking gross. Below, the case-by-case for why your cell phone should remain a silent, inanimate object out of sight of the dinner table:
Taking a call Seriously? It should go without saying that there are few (very few) instances when you should be actually speaking into your telephone—if people still do this? If you must speak out loud into your telephone, excuse yourself to a hallway outside the bathroom or even outside the restaurant, where discussions of your latest colonoscopy results won't disturb other diners.
Phone sounds In this day and age, I don't know why anyone would keep their cellphone set to anything other than vibrate, especially in an environment where loud ringing, dinging and Candy Crush plinging is bound to cut over the din of regular restaurant noise. Nobody fucking cares about your clever Harold Faltermeyer ringtone. Exception: Your partner could give birth at any moment/a family member is ill, etc. Even then, keep it on vibrate in your sightline, if possible.
Photography Here's where my argument gets undercut by personal history and experience—but I can't imagine I'm alone. If your job is to photograph food, you have a maximum of 30 seconds to document, then you're done. I've been in the position of making a dining companion wait (I'm so, so sorry) for me to take a photo; I'm a horrible person. Photography can be okay in small doses, but please wait to Instagram until the meal is completed and remember: it's not always worth your time.
Texting/emailing Nothing tells a dining companion they're not worth your time more than firing off a quick work email or text while they're catching you up on their life or you're actively arguing the vote for Bernie Sanders. It's just a shitty thing to do and it's depressing to look over at a table and see everyone talking...to other people on their phones. Exception: See above re: hospital visits and add a group meal where someone's running late and you're wondering where they are.
Apps and shit No. Just no. Exceptions: figuring out the bill math at the end of a meal.
General exceptions to the no-phone rules:
- Solo dining
- On-call physicians
- Fast food restaurants: Because it's already depressing
- Young children being distracted by games/movies (just use headphones!)
- You don't speak the same language as your dining partner and need help communicating.
- You're in a foreign country and need to explain your vegan, gluten-free raw diet to the staff at a steakhouse.
At the end of the day, realize that a few hours without your phone glued to your thumbs probably won't lead to anything horrible, and, shucks—you might even enjoy the time off! Don't worry: you'll be united again soon.
