Well, folks, the trial of century—the sensational tale of two Upper West Side moms who viciously battled it out over a frozen Trader Joe's pad thai (or something)—has come to an end, with a judge declaring accused slapper Marcella "screaming banshee" Caprario not guilty of attempted assault and harassment. NO JUSTICE, NO FROZEN PEAS!
Judge ShawnDya Simpson, who "appeared to grow weary of the arguments" throughout the trial (she "closer her eyes, [rubbed] her forehead...and gave the defense attorney a sidewise glare"), ultimately decided that Caprario slapped Cathleen London in self-defense. And thus comes the close of a battle that will forever divide and define the well-heeled citizens of the Upper West Side, who might want to consider sticking to Zabar's from now on, because nobody EVER acts uncivilized there.
