Outraged city council members, bloodied protesters, The Media, and Muslims across the Northeast haven't been too pleased with NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly recently. But who cares what they think: the people love him! And be prepared to love him even more, because "the Master of PR" has released his "secret" meatball recipe. Now that's a spicy meatball! Maybe it's a little too spicy? Better pat it down to be sure.
NYPD spokesman Paul Browne tells the Post that the Commissioner's balls are "outstanding. They are moist. They do melt in your mouth, not in your hands." Uhh, better check your earpiece Paulie, you may have gotten that last line a little garbled. Anyway, here's the recipe:
- 1 lb of fleshy substance found in corner store in Newark, New Jersey. Referred to by patrons and peers as "pork." Speaks with a thick, swiney accent. Seems to avoid synagogues.
- 1 lb of veal—for maximum tenderness use veal that has spent at least 36 hours caged in The Tombs after refusing an iris scan.
- 1 lb of Paul Browne's Bull (beef)
- 1 egg, cracked with baton
- Pepperocini, chopped with a dagger, preferably at a parade.
- Basil. Plain, clean, wholesome, basil.
- Parmesan cheese, grated with orange kettling net.
- Italian Parsley (you think it's just normal parsley so you invite it to a white water rafting trip and a few years later BOOM: you realize it was all a ruse).
- Lots of garlic to ward off Vampire Terrorists, per "True Blood" training video.
- Sautéed onions (the SECRET ingredient! Thank the AP for revealing this one!)
Kelly's instructions for kneading: “It’s hands on. Summon your inner Italian.” Or imagine that it shot you "a look." It'll get mashed up in no time!
