[See Tragic Update Below] In a brilliant move that will eliminate the need to make eye contact with other humans when ordering fast food, McDonald's is "replacing cashiers and the use of banknotes" with iPad-like touchscreens in its restaurants in Europe, the Financial Times reports. The president of McDonald's Europe told the newspaper that it will "make life easier for consumers as well as improve efficiency," shaving "three to four" seconds off the time it takes each customer to place their order. Think of how many more customers they could bring in if they just puréed all the food and pumped it through robotic nipples in the dining room!
While many companies are struggling through this "non-recession," McDonald's sales rose 5.7%, mostly because the taste of warm McNuggets is the only thing you can afford that makes you feel alive when cowering in the fetal position of your foreclosed home (before you head back to your job at McDonald's). Still, American heavy users shouldn't get too jealous of their European counterparts. Buried in the story is the real reason for the digital upgrade: "the new technology would allow McDonald's to harness more information about customers' ordering habits."
At press time, a McDonald's spokesperson did not respond to requests for comment about when American customers will be liberated from the shackles of human interaction.
Update: A McDonald's spokesman tells us via email that "while McDonald’s has tested kiosks in the past, it’s not currently being considered in the U.S." We must continue to suffer the indignities of murmuring "supersize it" for the foreseeable future.
