Writer Edward Frame, who left the rarefied world of fine dining several years back to attend grad school, has penned a scathing takedown of his old line of work in the New York Times. Intended to be a blind item, the op-ed titled "Dinner and Deception" describes work at an unnamed three-Michelin-star restaurant as a stomach-turning dog-and-pony show that staffers only manage to get through by turning their burning contempt for patrons into "guessing games like 'hooker or daughter.' Or the 'adjective game,' where you competed to successfully sell a wine with the least helpful descriptors possible." He gives "haunted" as one hilarious example.

The piece touches on Marxist labor theory (the guy's a grad student after all), lays out in devastating prose how much it takes to maintain the illusion of grandeur (which upper management calls "lipstick on a pig"), and describes what the super-rich do when they're out eating a tasting menu for several hours. For example, Frame writes that:

A woman tried to check a baby at the coat check. "When the maître d’ explained that dinner lasted at least three hours, she stared back at him, unfazed. 'Yes, I know.'"

Staffers interrupted patrons having sex in the bathroom "more than once" during his tenure.

"Grown men wearing Zegna and Ferragamo would sit at the bar chanting, 'We are the 1 percent!'"

In the piece's denouement, a regular who, "like most regulars, [is] generally considered to be a jerk" suffers a stroke in the dining room. Frame's manager hides the man's body behind a champagne cart, turns up the music, and instructs him carry on while the man lies unconscious, awaiting an ambulance.

Can you guess the 3-Michelin-star restaurant where this guy worked as a captain? http://t.co/93A9NMIlPV @nytopinion
— Clay Risen (@risenc) August 23, 2015

(LinkedIn)

(LinkedIn)

All this is fine class-resentment-stoking first-person narrative, but where it enters the realm of actual controversy is on Frame's LinkedIn profile, where he's listed as having worked as a captain at Eleven Madison Park from May 2011 to August 2012. To be clear, we are not certain that Eleven Madison Park is the place described—Times op-ed editor Clay Risen declined to comment; spokespeople for the restaurant did not immediately respond to an emailed request; owner Will Guidara did not respond to an interview request on Twitter; and Frame did not respond to a Facebook message—but there are certain other congruities that make it a plausible suspect.

To wit: Eleven Madison Park is a three-Michelin-star restaurant that opens at 5:30 p.m., as is the restaurant in the piece. In March of 2012, Eleven Madison owners Will Guidara and Daniel Humm opened the restaurant NoMad. In Frame's piece, he describes seating 30 more tables than usual in a night to help raise money for a new restaurant his employer is opening. In Frame's piece, he describes managing a four-person team that consists of himself, a sommelier, a server, and an assistant server. On his LinkedIn, he touts having managed a four-person service team at Eleven Madison.

@eisingerj they’re IN THE CREDIT SUISSE building ferchrissakes of COURSE there were douchebankers at the bar
— Felix Salmon (@felixsalmon) August 23, 2015

In September 2012, just after Frame's apparent departure from the restaurant, Eleven Madison introduced a hilarious-sounding gimmick where its courses were New York-themed, the cheese plate coming in a picnic basket, the dessert course accompanied by a lecture on three-card monte complete with tricks from a deck of custom cards. The Times's Jeff Gordinier described the experience as "the most ridiculous meal I've ever had."

The eatery has since dialed back the schlock and is currently offering only 12-course meals for lunch and dinner, at $225 a head. We hear the foie gras is pretty good.

Former Waiter Describes Sex In The Bathroom, Stroke-Victim Hiding At Three-Michelin-Star Restaurant