Cute: Some Delusional State West Of The Hudson River Thinks Their Bagels Are Better Than Ours

On Valentine's Day 1944, somebody stole a truck filled with 1,560 bagels, with the Associated Press declaring it "Manhattan's first theft of the kind." The police investigation that ensued began with one burning question: what is bagel?

As Sam Eder explained to them on that fateful day, bagel is this: "A roll with a hole in the middle. Some people like them for breakfast." So simple. So pure. But bagel, which was first introduced to the U.S. by Polish-Jewish immigrants in the late 19th century, is so much more, too. Bagel is a part of NYC history. Bagel is the common love language of New Yorkers of all ages. Bagel is what our greatest actors eat (and sometimes allegedly discard on the floor of the subway). Today might be National Bagel Day, but that designation is unnecessary for locals, because in NYC, every day is a new chance to appreciate our favorite carbohydrate.

There is no debate: NYC has the best bagels in the entire world, and we have the science to back it up. (Hint: it's not only the water.)

Of course, every so often a usurper to the throne will try to seize it for themselves. Montreal has tried and failed. St. Louis has made a total embarrassment of itself. And today, the state of New Jersey attempted, without any evidence or substance, to claim it has the best bagels. (If you're wondering about who the brave and foolish people behind these tweets below are, the New Yorker happened to profile them this week.)

So do not spend your day locked in silly regional arguments. Instead, fiercely debate the important bagel questions of our time, such as: what is the best bagel store in NYC? (I ride or die for Absolute Bagels.) Are sliced-up bagels an abomination or brilliant lifehack? What does a $1,000 bagel taste like? Are bagels better toasted or untoasted? Has Ice-T tried a bagel yet? And why is Mayor de Blasio ashamed to admit he likes his bagels toasted? He deleted this tweet:

And thought nobody would notice the secret toasted bagel fetish he admitted to minutes earlier.

And if you really want to treat yourself, here's how to make tonight pizza bagel night.