All it took to get the media into scaremongering overdrive about "vodka eyeballing" was one young British woman who hurt her eye pouring booze into it for kicks, plus some European YouTube videos. So now that a New Jersey high school student drank soda with a classmate's feces mixed in, we can't wait to learn more about this scary new trend! (We're sure there are YouTube videos, but we're scared to look.) We hear the teens call it "Dr. Pooper," but it's also known as "Dew the Poo." Do YOU know how many cans of human feces YOUR CHILD will pound this weekend?
It's believed this latest alarming non-trend started on March 29th in Camden County, when an unidentified 17-year-old decided to liven up his auto-shop class by defecating in a classmate's soda. It's unclear exactly how the teen executed the seemingly difficult maneuver of moving his bowels into a tiny soda can opening, but that's what makes adolescents so darn interesting. Authorities tell 1010WINS the victim "sipped the soda, then spit it out as his classmates laughed." So technically it he didn't make it to the top of Mountain Poo, and lost the respect of his fellow students forever.
But Dr. Pooping is not without legal risks. Prosecutors charged the teen with aggravated assault charge, but later dropped the charge in exchange for a guilty plea to a charge of "tampering with a food product." He has to do 200 hours of community service, write a letter of apology to his classmate, and, worst of all, write a 1,000-word report on why it's unhealthy to ingest fecal matter. But remember parents, teens are notorious scofflaws, so be sure to have a serious talk with your children about coprophagia tonight.
