Michael Bay has made a career out of exhuming the bodies of beloved children's toys (Transformers), historical events (Pearl Harbor), and classic horror movies (with his production company Platinum Dunes) and mutilating them into gaudy CGI-infused box office bonanza—he basically is the cinema equivalent of a plastic surgeon who gives all his films ginormous breast implants. And now Bay has set his sights on ruining our childhoods once again by making the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the upcoming live-action film ALIENS.
Bay discussed his latest project, producing the live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film, at last week's Nickelodeon Upfront in NY. Here was his statements about the origins of the heroes from a half-shell:
When you see this movie, kids are going to believe, one day, that these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie. These turtles are from an alien race and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely lovable.
Let's get this straight right here and now: the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are not aliens. They were reptiles who were mutated into cime-fighting, pizza-loving half turtles/half people. That basic origin is so essential, it's RIGHT THERE IN THEIR NAME. Will they even be ninjas anymore, or will they now be "Nouveau Shamanic" warriors? Will Michelangelo say "Cowabunga" anymore, or will he now say "Shit just got real" in slow-mo?
The movie isn't due out until Christmas 2013, so there's still time to stop this atrocity from occurring. The internet has already made it very clear it won't stand for this agression. If Bay really wants to give the Turtles a twist, why not transform them into Teenage Mutant Hardcore Ninja Turtles?
