What ever happened to peace, love and... politeness, asks Cindy Adams in her NY Post column today, titled: Etiquette's Dead. Her entire screed on the topic is a little confusing, and covers everything from people not being able to speak a second language, to "fatsos" being allowed on television. Oh Lady Adams, as Stephanie Tanner once declared, "How Rude!" But according to the columnist, she's not as rude as the rest of us, who are openly discussing menstrual cramps and prostate malfunction. As New Yorkers, we tend to only be concerned with etiquette that matters—like how to properly discard used condoms—but here's what Adams hopes upon us heathens:
- Stop saying "Yo," say "Hello" instead.
- Stop saying "Whassup" (are you guys still saying that?), say "How are you?" instead.
- Stop saying "Hey."
- Stop saying "awesome."
- "Instead of suggesting applause, it’s 'Put your hands together.'”
- "It’s very important to learn a second language."
- When writing a television script, stop including things like "chunky bras," whatever those are.
- Also stop putting words like "penis" and "urine" in the show's titles (what network is this lady tuning in to?)
- Don't slurp your soup. (We'll give her that one.)
- "Do not eat with your fingers" ( Even Snickers?) Never "gesture with the fork."
- No gadgets on the dining table even if you really have to Instagram that lobster roll.
- Try to dress less trampy.
At press time, it was unclear where Adams stands on giving blowjobs in the subway... sorry
"head."
