Winter has descended upon fair Gotham, rendering you unable to step outside without lacquering your face with frozen tears. You could spend the next few months on your couch marathoning all six films in the Fast and the Furious franchise (Furious 7's out in April!) Or, you could remove yourself from your over-or-underheated home and seek refuge at one of the many indoor offerings the city's got for you, from food markets to indoor gardens to a shuffleboard club in Brooklyn. Here are our favorites; as always, leave yours in the comments.
THE BATHHOUSES: Russian winters are notoriously miserable, and best survived by imbibing copious amounts of vodka. But all those toxins build up over the season, and many turn to steam rooms—or shvitzes, as my great-grandparents would probably say—to sweat out all the Stoli.
Those steam rooms have made a home here, and though winter here might be slightly more tolerable than it is in the Old Country, most New Yorkers have plenty of whiskey-and-space-heater related toxins to rid themselves of during the Dark Season. The Russian & Turkish Baths are a popular shvitz spot, having established themselves in the East Village back in 1892—you can score a day pass for $35 and spend a few hours moving from the 200 degree Russian radiant room to the ice bath for the ultimate cold weather rejuvenation.
If you prefer to pair your detox with a fifth of Fireball, Brooklyn Banya in Kensington permits you to bring your own booze (liquor only; they serve beer and wine), which you can enjoy in the facility's central hangout area near the hot tubs. A day pass there also runs $35—just make sure to drink plenty of water before popping into a steamroom.
The Russian & Turkish Baths are located at 268 East 10th Street between 1st Avenue and Avenue A in the East Village (212-674-9250, russianturkishbaths.com). Brooklyn Banya is located at 602 Coney Island Avenue between Matthews Court and Lewis Place in Kensington, Brooklyn (718-853-1300, brooklynbanya.com).
THE FOOD MARKETS: One of the essential survival tips to a New York winter is to consume as much carb-heavy food as humanly possible, since your body requires you line it with bread before braving this kind of weather. And though it's too cold for trendy outdoor food fests like Smorgasburg, there are a few weather-ready markets where you can Instagram your $7 sliders to your heart's content.
Gotham West Market is one of our favorites, hawking delicacies from the likes of Ivan Ramen Slurp Shop, El Colmado, Blue Bottle Coffee, Court Street Grocers Sandwich Shop, and Choza Taqueria. Hudson Eats, which opened in May, is another winter-proof foodie haven, boasting everything from Black Seed Bagels to Dos Toros to Mighty Quinn's BBQ. And then, of course, there's Eataly—though Mario Batali's massive Flatiron space is less a food market than tourist-packed trip to Italy, you can't go wrong spending a frigid day sampling prosciutto, gelato, fresh mozzarella and espresso from Eataly's coffee bar.
Gotham West Market is located at 600 11th Avenue between 44th and 45th Streets in Hell's Kitchen (212-582-7940, gothamwestmarket.com). Hudson Eats is located at Brookfield Place, 200 Vesey Street in Battery Park (212-417-7000, brookfieldplaceny.com/hudsoneats). And Eataly is located at 200 5th Avenue near 23rd Street in Flatiron (212-229-2560, eataly.com).
PROSPECT PARK TENNIS CENTER: Tennis seems like a profoundly summer-centric sport, considering its predilection for strange white outfits and vintage Stan Smith. But the Tennis Center at Prospect Park's Parade Ground manages to winter-proof all those doubles games with a season tennis bubble, so you can work off some of the SADs Bridesmaids-style. The hourly rate is a little steep here, ranging from $38 to $74 (!!!) on the weekdays and $40 to $82 (!!!!!!!!!) on the weekends, but if you bring along a few buddies and try for an off-hour, it's worth the extra dough. The indoor season ends on May 3rd, and the center's open from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m daily.
The Tennis Center is located at Prospect Park's Parade Ground, 50 Parkside Avenue at Coney Island Avenue (718-436-2500, prospectpark.org).
SHUFFLEBOARD AT ROYAL PALMS SHUFFLEBOARD CLUB: For some more offbeat physical activity, this Gowanus spot is part bar, part hip shuffleboard club for the elderly cruise ship-obsessed person inside all of us. This relative newcomer debuted just last year, boasting 10 pristine courts, a bar, and a rotating collection of some of the city's best food trucks, the likes of which include Snowday Food Truck, Red Hook Lobster Pound, Morris Grilled Cheese, and Solber Pupusas.
A court here will cost you $40/hour and they're meted out on a first come/first serve basis. But if you can't score a court ASAP, you can grab a pupusa and a drink at the bar, then loiter at one of the club's many tables until space opens up. Close-toed shoes are highly recommended, though considering it's 20 degrees out there, you should know better anyway.
The Royal Palms Shuffleboard Club is located at 514 Union Street between 3rd Avenue and Nevins Street in Gowanus, Brooklyn (347-223-4410, royalpalmsshuffle.com).
COOKING CLASSES: We mentioned previously that food and alcohol are the life source that keeps you going in January/February/March, since days are only surmountable when stocked with spaghetti, pizza and booze, and no one cares what you look like under your winter coat, anyway. Of course, at some point takeout and economy-sized packs of Easy Mac make a body tired, but thankfully winter's the perfect time to learn how to make a few drinks and dishes.
For boozehounds, one of our favorite class spots is the Astor Center, where you can pick up tips on everything from crafting a tiki cocktail to Scotch whisky appreciation to shucking an oyster. Classes here usually run about $79-$99, and can take two to three hours, but you'll leave with some pretty life-changing culinary knowledge. If you're looking for more food-centric classes, the Brooklyn Kitchen in Williamsburg offers a wealth of options, including homemade pizza-making with the Roberta's crew, Chinese dumplings and wontons, BBQ rib dinners and pretzel-and-mustard making.
The Astor Center is located at 399 Lafayette Street at East 4th Street in the East Village (212-674-7501, astorcenternyc.com). The Brooklyn Kitchen is located at 100 Frost Street between Meeker and Manhattan Avenues in Williamsburg (718-389-2982, thebrooklynkitchen.com).
LASER TAG: Laser tag was once the best birthday party activity of all time, back when kids played Magic: The Gathering, your puffy sticker collection determined your place on the social ladder and everyone wore Skechers shoes. Indoor Extreme Sports in LIC lets you relive all that pre-teen magic, but to the X-TREME. For those laser tag enthusiasts with real mettle, Black OPS Laser Tag will change your life (or terrify you), dropping you right in the middle of a realistic U.S. Military training situation. The 90-ish minute experience takes place in the facility's 8,000 square-foot space, with the "war-torn" scene including settings like supermarkets, tunnels, video stores and offices. You can reserve a party of 6 to 8 or walk-in for $36-$42-per-player—you can also opt for a Zombie-fied Black OPS experience if you're booking a large party, though that'll cost you an extra $199.
Black OPS Laser Tag is located at Indoor Extreme Sports at 47-11 Van Dam Street in Long Island City, Queens (718-361-9152, indoorextremesports.com).
ESCAPE THE ROOM: Not that this entire list isn't an attempt to help you escape your own room, but this interactive game will at least take you out of the box. Players have an hour to solve riddles and puzzles in hopes of escaping from a locked, themed room—the games are tough and most people can't make the time limit, but it's still a fun adventure that'll keep you entertained while you thaw. Escape the Room's got events in Midtown and on the LES; tickets run $28-a-pop, and you should make a reservation beforehand.
Escape the Room has two locations: 107 Suffolk Street between Delancey and Rivington Streets on the Lower East Side, and at 25 West 31st Street between Broadway and 5th Avenue in Midtown. Visit static.escapetheroomnyc.com for details.
THE INDOOR GARDENS: Barren parks and dead trees don't make for much natural beauty in cold weather. Thankfully, anyone yearning for flowers and a spot of greenery can head to one of the city's many indoor gardens, a number of which can be found in public atriums around town.
For a real verdant display, though, it's worth checking out indoor conservatories at the Brooklyn and New York Botanical Gardens, which are open year-round and feature some of the most beautiful flora from around the world. The former hosts a bonzai museum, an aquatic house and pavilions with plants that thrive in desert, tropical and warm temperate conditions. The latter's Enid A. Haupt Conservatory is home to massive collection of palm trees, tropical plants, cacti, and aquatic and carnivorous plants; it also houses the annual Holiday Train Show, which concludes this year on January 19th.
In addition to the botanical gardens, Wave Hill in the Bronx boasts an impressive indoor conservatory, complete with a Palm House, Tropical House, and Cactus and Succulent House.
The Conservatory at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden is located at 990 Washington Avenue at Crown Street in Crown Heights, Brooklyn (718-623-7200, bbg.org). The Enid A. Haupt Conservatory at the New York Botanical Garden is located at 2900 Southern Boulevard in the Bronx (718-817-8700, nybg.org). And the Conservatory at Wave Hill is located at 675 West 252nd Street in the Fieldston section of the Bronx (718-549-3200, wavehill.org).
