War Animals On Parade!
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<strong>War Bodega Cats:</strong> Slate has already given us a faux-history of feline fighters but they left out a highly trained subset of the cat family: The Bodega Cat. These guys are already trained to protect our foodstuffsâso why not send them out to protect our food stuffs abroad? Especially since that <a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/war-on-string-may-be-unwinnable-says-cat-general,9636/">war on string</a> is turning into an increasingly un-winnable quagmire.
<strong>War Rats:</strong> As we all know rats can get into anything if they set their mind (and their teeth) to it. So why not enlist some well-trained rodents to map out the areas behind enemy lines? Just slap on some camera-equipped rat goggles (or "roggles") and let 'em go. You'd think considering the number of lab rats out there already somebody would have gotten to this by now! We're sure that <a href="http://gothamist.com/2011/05/04/video_sad_rat_man_loves_his_babies.php">sad rat man</a> could be enlisted to help train them.
<strong>War Bugs:</strong> <a href="http://gothamist.com/tags/bedbugs">Bed Bugs</a> have increasingly become a serious issue here in the Big Appleâso why not turn our pest into a weapon? Just collect people's bed bug infested clothes and mattresses and just dump them on enemy lines!
<strong>Cobra Patrol:</strong> Mia, the Bronx Zoo's <a href="http://gothamist.com/tags/missingcobra">sneaky celebrity snake</a>, has already shown just how good her species can be at staying hidden. So why not <em>train</em> a few of her brethren to slip into insurgents hideouts while wearing a radio backpack so we better keep track of their whereabouts?
<strong>Pigeon Troopers:</strong> Pigeons have a long, long history of working with humans (just ask <a href="http://gothamist.com/2011/05/04/mike_tyson_pontificates_upon_pigeon.php">Mike Tyson</a>) so why not bring them back into the military fold? While we doubt they'd really need parachutes, we're sure a night-camera equipped flying rat could be quite useful for surveillance purposes.