For over a month, a treehouse has been slowly coming together on the grounds of the Brooklyn Botanic Garden—an effort that's been headed up by the Romero Studios (builders of some really sweet treehouses), who have created the piece from Hurricane Sandy tree carnage. The project, called Sandy Remix, will open to the public this Saturday... so you have a couple of days to lower your expectations.
It gives us no joy to burn people who just want to create special things for strangers, but it's our duty to report on the cold, hard truths of this world. And the fact is, this isn't a treehouse. A treehouse is defined as: "a small house, especially one for children to play in, built or placed up in the branches of a tree." And when dealing with things of precious, childhood dreams, you better not jerk us around. So don't market a treehouse unless you plan on delivering a magical freaking treehouse, Dad Botanic Garden.
After seeing the photos of the so-called treehouse, disappointed Gothamist staffers expressed a range of outrage and derision:
- "That looks like what you'd get when your drunk dad tells you he's going to build you a treehouse."—John Del Signore
- "Jesus, I could throw a treehouse in a woodchipper and it'd spit out something better than that pile of crap. You're telling me in a borough chock full of artisanal treehouse makers, this is the best you could do?" — Jake Dobkin
- "Aren't treehouses supposed be up in the trees, not just made of trees? I guess my computer sits on a treehouse, and I also put my clothing in a treehouse. But assuming we accept this potpourri of mangled tree corpses resting on sea level as a treehouse, this is the kind of treehouse that Grendel makes in the middle of a dark forest so a lost colony of peat farmers stumble upon it and make it their home for a fortnight, laughing by the fire, singing songs, cheering to their good fortune of finding this abandoned bit of shelter until Grendel just nips the opening closed and swallows the whole thing. I would not play in this treehouse, unless you want to be inside of some human turtle candy recipe." — Chris Robbins
- "The piece looks more like Big Bird's alley nest after an all night rager." — Jen Carlson
- "It looks like a crow taught a drunk Paul Bunyan how to build a nest." — Ben Yakas
- "It looks like what would happen if you gave a giant some meth, some wood, some glue, and five minutes to do something with it." — Jen Carlson, again
- "I thought it was supposed to be wood from a house that got hit by Hurricane Sandy, not a treehouse that looks like it was hit by Hurricane Sandy, amirite?" — Jake Dobkin, again
If you plan to visit, be prepared for your inner child—who maybe has never been in a treehouse and was really looking forward to this—to throw a massive tantrum upon seeing the finished product, which by now you know, isn't even in a tree.
