Oh Hai Mark: The Best Of Tommy Wiseau's Instant Classic Reddit AMA

Say what you will about actor/director/producer/screenwriter/chicken impersonator/possible vampire Tommy Wiseau—the auteur behind the greatest bad movie ever, The Room—the man does not half-ass his promotional duties. With the long-awaited followup to The Room, The Neighbors, having been released on Hulu this week, Wiseau took to Reddit for an AMA on Tuesday evening. And he responded 214 times over the course of two hours.

Sure, about half of those responses were written in the half-English, half-mysterious-garble-of-something-resembling-language speech with which he talks in his films; and sure, there were a lot of responses toward the end that amounted to, "leave your stupid comments in your pocket." But in between, there was gold. Just insane pieces of gold. We shouldn't be so surprised, but Wiseau really writes like he speaks.

The whole thread is worth reading—this is probably the most compelling Reddit AMA we've seen since double dick dude—but we picked out a few highlights below. Note: not all his answers seemed to be in response to the question he was asked, and he was aided in responding by someone named "Victoria"...

• On his involvement with the filming of The Disaster Artist, James Franco/Seth Rogen's movie based on the filming of The Room: "The answer is yes. I am involved, 100%. I am part of it. Whatever, that."
• On James Franco: "Aw, I support him 100% perfect. He is very cool guy. But at this time, we have agreement, I cannot talk about it. He is very dedicate actor. We have a lot in common James Dean for example. Next question!"
• On what Lisa from The Room represents: "GREAT Question! First of all, you can compare Lisa to Eleezabeth Taylor, to when she did CLEOPATRA. The ladies, they don't have to wear jeans, they can wear dresses to be very powerful. So Lisa's character is very powerful. She represents American society. So that's my answer. Move on, next one!"
• On a cut scene from The Room: "That was the whole fantasy. The flying car did not exist, it was a joke. First of all THE ROOM was a drama slash comedy. That's what we had there. So flying cars is incorrect statement. Yeah, we had a shot behind the scenes you can see it. You see the blu-ray and DVD, some of the shot we did not put it in. Like basketball, Chris R playing basketball in the corner instead of in the alley. You can see very clearly what we did not use."
• On who he would want to play catch with: "Hehehehehehee. Somebody would hear this would probably be laughing, but Joe Montana, hahaha!"
• On a possible prequel/add-on to The Room: "Yes. We are doing sequel. And also 3-d, eventually."
• On his relationship with Greg Sistero, author of The Room: "Well, we talk, but actually, probably, we just released a script, original script, available, THE ROOM, original one, because there was a lot of controversy, agin, I'm sorry for some of you guys in America we call "douchebags" - I've been filming the past 20 years, shame on you who are bashing THE ROOM as well as the actors in THE NEIGHBORS. It is new entertainment, and people reallyreally enjoy it. That's all I'm gonna say, moveonnextquestion."
• On whether he's going to write an autobiography (this was the only question he was asked, but this is how he responded): "Yes, I am, because as you probably kneow, DISASTER ARTIST is not 100% correct, and some people - again - are very disrespectful of my lief. How dare you to bash me, to say negative things about me and my life when you don't even know me? Shame on you. So yes, absolutely, you know. We in America, you know, we have very dedicate people, from New Orleans, and some of the function that people have are completely disrespectful. Shame on you if you blast my project. We are very dedicated to our art - shame on you, I would say, again! You know who you are! And also you can add, about script, how dare you say that was not the script on the production of THE ROOM. How are you have powers to criticize someone you don't even know? When you say it's not a camera, or we have only this one camera, or this one or that one? Shame on you. Move on, next question."
• On how he made his millions: "Okay! That's good question! Well first of all - if you look at background, you work hard, you make money. It's no secret, okay? You work VERY hard, you make money. Well I work very hard, 24/7, several days a week, okay? And the specific how I make monies will be in book. THE DISASTER ARTIST by Tommy Wiseau, when I write it soon. Yes."
• Wait, a book? "Yes! I already said, I will be writing the book, which we'll call, probably DISASTER ARTIST by Tommy Wiseau, an artist of what I accomplish in America, I am proud to be American, and again, some of you who are disrespectful, I am happy to be where I am. America is best country in the world."
• On the origins of his accent: "I speak two languages. I have no idea, to be honest with you. It is what it is."
• On his next project: "Yeah, I am working on new project, it's called THE FORECLOSURE, we will be casting soon, we have already soon, and we have a vampire movie. And THE NEIGHBORS, we have 12 episodes of THE NEIGHBORS."
• Wait, a vampire movie? "I have a 120 page script! I will be doing after FORECLOSURE. As I mentioned, we are doing NEIGHBORS, FORECLOSURE, and then Vampires. The king of the vampires will control entire wooooorld, and he is good vampire, he helps like Superman. People. Is opposite with the myth is about vampires."
• Tell us more about The Foreclosure: "It's a movie called FORECLOSURE about a foreclosure on a house. I play a character called "Richard." Long story short, the bank take over a house, long story short, and then Richard take over the bank. And you have... a situation. A hostage situation, etcetera etcetera. It will be drama, but if somebody call it comedy? Whatever they call it, I don't really care anymore."
• On his inspirations: "Well, I find myself - I like - James Dean, Orson Welles, Elizabeth Taylor and Clint Eastwoods. I think Clint Eastwood's a hero of mine. The same way people can learn from me."
• On his favorite James Cameron movie: "I'm - listening - THE ROOM, next question!"
• On the best performance in The Room, and why Denny was buying drugs from Chris R: "I think everybody did a good job. All the actors were extremely dedicate. We had researhsal, I encourage peopel to actually think about twice before re-writing, bashing actors, because all the actors did a very good job. In the media, they said they didn't know what they were doing, but we had regular rehearsal, six months before, so everything was done very professionally, and actor did very good job. So I think everybody did good, equally well. The reason for it was because he want to sell it, he want to make money you know? Look at today's society. Everything you see in the Room is related to real life."
• Let's talk some more about Denny and Claudette. Are they based on real people? "Oh yeah, we have many Claudettes in the country, with cancer - again, one of the things I like it when people ask why we don't talk about it, yeah, is because someday we have a cure for it. Because it's a very private thing, you know? Many Claudettes in America relate to cancer...Many Dennys, many Johnnys, many Marks, because everything is coming from life, real life. THE ROOM is a red flag for society, for people to do better, to be better to each other basically. I've been doing this for 12 years, saying that."
• On whether "You're tearing me apart, Lisa!" is his favorite quote: "Well, we on the same page. I love this quote. And also, "WHAT A DAY!" I like that one. It's from Charlie, in THE NEIGHBORS. And also, I see across America, people quoting me. "OH, WHAT A DAY!""
• On his sex life: "I enjoy it erryday!"

Seriously, read the whole thing: he also mentions how he paid the dog in the flower shop scene in The Room $100, he complains a lot about "douchebags," how much he loves freedom, and how The Neighbors is the best sitcom in history.