Some people just don't know how to let sleeping Bros lie: earlier this week, Gothamist publicly apologized to one 'Brono Yoko' for dragging his (alleged) alabaster legs into the public eye in a gut-wrenching post about Bros who insist on wearing shorts outside even when it's below zero.
Although we've been given no proof or reason to believe that 'Bronan The Barbarian' is the man whose legs are featured in the photo at the top of this post, he still insists on monetary compensation for graciously allowing us to "prattle on [our] cute little blog." Although he was in a public place when the photo was taken (by a reader, mind you), this 'Russell Bro' believes he somehow deserves special treatment unlike the thousands of other people who we anonymously feature in photos every day.
And we truly are unable to fathom why he insists that a benign, silly post—like many of our hyperbolic weather reports—was filled with vitriol when...it very clearly wasn't.
But here we are again, "spouting unoriginal buzzwords" while earning clicks off the hard work this 'Josh Brolin' put into his incendiary emails. Although his linguistic talents clearly dwarf ours, he has been repeatedly disregarded and mocked by lesser thinkers. His fine arts Alma mater which doesn't even have a fraternity would truly be saddened by this state of affairs.
But we like to give the downtrodden a space for their voice to be heard, so enjoy his latest missive:
Hi Ben,
I'm glad to see you took my criticism to heart. Your reporting has decidedly improved. However, it seems you have retained the same regrettable format of spouting unoriginal buzzwords in between content appropriated from those more thoughtful than yourself. In this very article, the bulk of the text was authored by me. My writing does not come for free, of course. Attached you'll find a revised invoice to include this additional service, as well as the additional image usage. Regarding that usage, you sounded a bit unsure in the compensation related to the reproduction of said photo. Since you so enjoyed my previous enlightening of ignorance, allow me to direct you to New York Civil Rights Law Code Article 5, Sections 50 and 51. As the prattle on your cute little blog certainly can't claim to be newsworthy, the fair press scapegoat is out the window and you'll find my claims to be of sound legality, let alone the precedence for defamation.
On a personal note, I'd like to offer my sincere apology for shoving my superior body temperature in your face. It was a careless and selfish act to not think of your feelings before slipping into my relaxed fit Izod golf shorts that morning. I put myself first and disregarded everyone else's imperviousness to the cold and for that I am deeply sorry. But as the saying goes- once a Bro, always a Hipster. I simply cannot alter my shorts-wearing ways. If one day, though, we cross paths and you find yourself particularly frigid upon the sight of my bare legs, I can offer a loving embrace that will warm you to the core. Us bros got to look out for each other.
Yours truly,
Yoko Brono
And here's the revised invoice:
"Creative Writing Sample"
We asked our boss, Jake Dobkin, to weigh in on Brono's threats:
I'd never give in to this kind of bro-bullying and pay an invoice like that. This post, as well as the two previous, are squarely protected by fair use doctrine. If he ever took this to court, he'd lose on every claim, and I'd defend it right up to the Supreme Court just on principle, publishing his real name and every filing along the way, just to make a point about vexatious litigation and to let the world know what an asshat he was.
