The latest trailer for Avengers: Age Of The Overseas Box Office Ka-Ching has arrived (after a prolonged Twitter RT game all day) and let it be known that it delivers the CGI-enhanced orgasms that we have come to expect from the best comic book movie trailers. But don't take our word for it, watch the trailer below!
There's tons of new footage in this trailer compared to the previous two, so here's a brief list of all the orgasms that will infiltrate your eyeballs upon viewing:
0:01: Green MPAA warning; reference to Hulk? Symbol of money soon to pour forth from every corner of the globe?
0:10: Real estate porn.
0:14: Ultron's hand is sexy, but like, for a robot.
0:33: Reminder that psychotic James Spader monologues are always money: "There is only one path to peace. Their extinction."
0:36: BUILDING GO BOOM.
0:45: "I tried to create a suit of armor around the world. But I created something terrible," Tony Stark says while orgasming. "Artificial intelligence," Mr. Hulk replies. Extra orgasms for finally revealing major plot point.
0:56: Captain America takes bumper off car, possibly because it is foreign-made. He's not Captain Outsourcing for a reason.
1:00: Hulk + Black Widow romantic subplot tease orgasm! Or maybe one of them is about to sneeze!
1:08: Slow motion leaping is a classic team-building exercise.
1:18: Bruce Banner apparently thinks it's appropriate to wear beige sweaters to official Avengers meetings.
1:22: Nick Fury pep talk orgasm. You know who really needs a pep talk? Joss Whedon, who said making this film was a "nightmare."
1:25: Just some bros getting really morbid.
1:33: Fun fact: did you know that Scarlett Johansson is prohibited from smiling in her Marvel contract?
1:37: HULK SMASH IRON MAN.
1:40: Quicksilver smash Captain America's face.
1:42: Scarlet Witch smash...well, she gestures toward a car? The car definitely flipped over or something.
1:47: Haha Thor.
1:50: HAHA HUNDREDS OF EVIL ROBOTS SMASH.
2:02: Oh yeah and a tiny little tease of the VISION motherfuckers. We've brightened the image a bit.
We hope you find yourself incredibly sated when Avengers: Age Of Orgasms is released in theaters on May 1st.
