As we warned you earlier this week, thousands of people will risk communicable diseases by throwing pants-derived caution to the wind and taking part in the annual No Pants Subway Ride this Saturday. But if you are someone who appreciates all the advantages of having a thin layer of cloth wrapped around your body, you might feel a bit alienated by the theatrical event and its stoic, fleshy participants. Well you're in luck this year, because Tony Zaret feels that way as well, and has decided to do something about it: start a coinciding Extra Pants Subway Ride. Because the only thing that can stop a bad guy with no pants is a good guy with extra pants on.
Greenpoint resident Zaret, a stand-up comedian and mainstay at the Upright Citizen's Brigade theater, says his main problem with the event has long been his own self-consciousness, and he hoped to make the event feel a little more inclusive for the less bold among us: "I have very pasty legs covered in white, almost translucent hair and do not feel comfortable displaying them on the subway," he told us. "I felt it was time that people like me got their own humorous flash mob with which to delight ourselves."
Here are the main, uh, instructions, from the event Facebook page, for those interested (you can find the various meeting points listed on that page):
Everyone should meet at their chosen meeting point at 3 PM or a little earlier if possible. Be on the lookout for a group of people who look like they are there to participate in a flash mob. Follow your fellow flash mobbers to the nearby subway station[s]. While waiting on the platform, feel free to loudly discuss how funny the flash mob you are about to do is going to be. Make sure you have your extra pants out and if anyone asks about them, explain that you are using the pants for a funny improv comedy prank that will occur once you get on the train. Get on the train. As soon as the doors shut, stand up and announce, "Ladies and gentlement [sic], we are now going to perform a humorous flash mob. We hope you find it entertaining!" and put your extra pairs of pants on.
If questioned, simply tell folks that you are "using power of improvisational street theater to 'jam the system' by making people question what is and isn't 'reality.'"
When other flash mob participants exit the train, exit with them. Then get on the next train and announce "Fellow commuters, we are wearing two pairs of pants as a form of improvisational street theater!" You can then ride to your next and final stop while having a discussion about flash mobs and santa cons with your fellow artists. Oh, and on the way out, make sure to politely thank everyone for watching your guerilla [sic] performance art!
Zaret, who has never participated in the No Pants ride before (though he does note he has "a general idea of the thrill participants must feel when they humorously expose their underwear-clad crotches to disinterested commuters"), views his event as a complementary one to the No Pants ride, as opposed to a critical one: "I have a lot of respect for these forms of improvisational performance because they have solved the problem of how to get people to watch improv," he said.
"While normally the only people who go to see improvisational comedy are the people who WANT to see it (generally friends of people who have paid to take improv classes), these street performances succeed in getting improv in front of a whole new audience—people who DON'T want to see it," Zaret adds.
Zaret says he expects a turnout in the mid-to-low single digits. "We are going to make everyone aware that a piece of humorous improvisational theater is about to start...so they will be able to immediately focus on how amusing we are being or, if they so choose, get up and move to another car where they can more easily ignore our transformational street theater."
For what it's worth, Improv Everywhere and No Pants Ride founder Charlie Todd told DNAinfo he thinks it's "a very funny parody," so maybe that'll really seal the deal for some of those 45 "interested" Facebook participants.
