The Basics
Age and occupation. How long have you lived here, where did you come from, and where do you live now?
I'm 16 and a writer. I've lived here for about 10 years (except for a brief stint in San Francisco). I'm originally from the suburbs of Philadelphia. I live in the meat packing district.
Three and Easy
1. To believe the theory "If I Love The 80s had a baby, then Best Week Ever would be the child" requires some faith in the asexual reproduction of television shows. As a writer for VH1's Best Week Ever, what's really going on over there?
Apparently there's a lab at VH1 that creates these shows, and I'm sure it involves something unnatural, but my freelance i.d. doesn't get me access to that room.... yet.
2. Your new book, "Stocking Up on Sin : How to Crush the Market with Vice-Based Investing," sounds loads more interesting than anything Warren Buffet advises from his ivory silo in Omaha. Now are you saying I can actually buy stock in "Ron Jeremy" or I should throw all my money on Duke to win the NCAA basketball tournament?
While some may argue in favor of Duke, if they cared about basketball which I'm not sure they do, my money is on Ron Jeremy, definitely. On the "Surreal Life" he underscored all the great performances in his past, such as in "21 Hump Street," "City Lickers," and "What's Butt Got To Do With It?." But since I don't want to give away the cow with the milk, or something like that which I clearly never got right, you should all buy "Stocking up on Sin." In it you will learn how to find out what stocks to invest in so you can make money off the backs of Ron and other porn stars. All that and more is within this life-and bank account--altering book. For further proof, check out the reviews that I and my ten friends/aliases put up on Amazon. And some random guy who owns fried chicken franchises in the Southeast.
3. You're the niece of Joan Rivers so tell me, is she the "Best Aunt Ever"?
Yes! I've been pitching this "Best Aunt Ever" segment every Friday at our Best Week Ever pitch meeting and I always get shot down. They always put it in the "In the Works" category, but I know what that means...
Thank God, you get what I'm talking about. She's awesome! When I broke my leg, aunt Joan was there to knock the bone back in the socket. When she freed those POWs last year I nearly cried. Plus, she's friends with Matthew Modine.
Proust-Krucoff Questionnaire
Please share a personal (and hopefully interesting) NYC taxi story.
It started at 32nd & eighth and ended at the altar.
9pm, Wednesday night - what are you doing?
Crying and asking why.
Best celebrity sighting in New York, or personal experience with one if you're that type.
The mirror. (Or, Archbishop Don 'Magic' Juan.)
Where do you summer?
Very successful people don't have time to summer. That's why I take June through August off and go down-the-shore. (Jersey)
Who do you consider to be the greatest New Yorker of all-time? (OK, name up to three if you must.)
In the immortal words of Donnell Rawlings, "I like anyone who is giving me a paycheck." And I've always admired Meredith Scardino, Nancy Kerrigan, and Josh Duhamael.
Just how much do you really love New York?
This much. (I'm holding up my hands really wide right now.)
What happened the last time you went to L.A.?
I had dinner with my high school friend Matt Silverman who is now a shaman.
Medication: What and how much do you take?
Ensure. Like Gerard Depardieu, it is my fountain of youth. Two shakes a day.
Of all the movies made about (or highly associated with) New York, what role would you have liked to be cast in?
McCauley Culkin in Party Monster
If you could change one thing about New York, what would it be?
Not enough Bo Jangles fried chicken franchises.
The End of The World is finally happening. What are you going to do with your last 24 hours in NYC?
Meet my neighbors. And/or repent.
To learn more about Caroline and "vice stocks," check out her website.
